And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
