so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
