How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize