dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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