rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
