i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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