Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
