I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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