this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
