I puked a lego.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
