i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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