I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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