Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
