I got chris browned last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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