Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize