thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
