So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
