Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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