Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
