I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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