why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
