He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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