i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
