the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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