So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize