Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
