Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
