he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
