So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
