she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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