I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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