I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're a waste of cheezeits
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
