i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
