My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
