It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
