I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
