there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
