you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ugly people sure do ruin things
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
