i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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