Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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