I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
