Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
