wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
