We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize