Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
