Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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