guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize