you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
