when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
