Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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