Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
