alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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