oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
