Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
