Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
