dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
