**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
