i think i have herpe
just one?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
