That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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