Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
